Be in an intimate relationship long enough and your amazing partner will become ALL the things you hate

Be in intimate relationship long enough and your amazing partner will become ALL the things you hate:

Monster
Instigator
Bully
User
Captor
Mother
Father
Abuser
Cruel
Stupid
Frigid
Lazy
Selfish
Jealous
Insecure
Controlling
Manipulative
Arrogant
Dismissive
Dramatic
Defensive
Avoidant
Dependent
Anxious
Needy

Not because they have changed, or because they are not right for you, but because for a moment, you’re not liking yourself.

When we feel good about ourselves, glitches in our partner’s behavior do not mean all that much in the grand scheme of things. One mistake is not a deal breaker. It doesn’t mean our partners are bad or wrong.

If we are ungrounded or not resourced, our partner’s mistakes will shut us down, when otherwise, we could work it out.

And things just get hard eventually.

The shininess of love wears off FAST, as that is what it is meant to do.

Love is meant to be worn at the edges from sleepless nights together and apart. It is supposed to be soft around the eyes, for how easily you can cry. Love is supposed to be covered in messy fingerprints, from all of the times you made love in the strangest of places.

Love is not meant to be shiny.

Give it enough time and the qualities you find angelic and mind blowing, will eat at you.

Your firey partner will be too firey. Critical. Big mouthed. Your chemistry will be unlike anything you’ve experienced and you will constantly be uncomfortable and confronted.

Your grounded partner will be too grounded. Needy. Boring. They will be the one you can turn to no matter what and you will take them for granted.

Your watery partner, always gentle and accepting, will be too watery. Quiet. Timid. Won’t tell you what they really feel and you will lack deep desire.

They will either try too hard. Or not hard enough.

Sooner or later, we all think about falling in love with the hot thing that doesn’t know how bad we act when we are hurt and scared.

The question is:

Do you want to stay in and see what profound learning there is here for you? Taste the intimacy that is beyond anything else you can experience, after you have climbed the mountain together and can rest?

-Or-

Do you want to quit and start over. Again. With someone else. Wearing someone else’s clothes. Convincing yourself that the other person is ALWAYS:

Better

Safer

More interesting

Alluring

Smarter

Meets more of your criteria.

There will always be someone that gets you off better. Meets more of the things you think you want (until you get them). Cares more. Seems more calm, more accomplished, funnier, wealthier, thinner, more spiritual, more grounded. Someone that you feel more compatible with.

They seem better, because you are not actually WITH them. They are not the one waking up sick in the bed next to you, asking you to rub their belly when they ate too much.

It is easy to idolize and want something you do not wake up to day after day, who does not face you in the moments you are the most cruel and ashamed.

The brave thing is to not leave your partner for someone else, but to see how you can grow in love, just a bit more.

Lean in before you decide to lean out.

What can you give that you’ve been holding onto?

Where have you been keeping yourself from really surrendering to love?

How have you been sabotaging things?

Go there.

Your love will often be the most precious thing you have, when you decide to relish in how precious it truly is.

Shortguy Tim

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